Stay Close To Me
by AwesomePotterlover
Summary: "After the Grand Prix final, let's end this." I wanted to go blank like I have so many times before, but it just isn't working. My breaths are coming too fast, my face feels hot, and water is pouring out of my eyes like a dam had broke that had been held back for years. He's allowed to leave. He's allowed...But I don't want him to. (EPISODE 11 SPOILERS. ANGST. VIKTOR'S POV MAINLY.)
1. Let's End This

**AN: I'm crying, so here's an AU-ish continuation of episode 11's end scene, because I'm not okay and I can't wait a full week. Have fun with this because I'm sobbing whilst writing it. I haven't stopped. May God Save My Soul.**

 **-AP**

* * *

Viktor's POV

 _"After the Grand Prix Final, let's end this."_

Let's end this.

End this.

The words keep echoing in my head over and over. It seems stupid, probably; People see me as the more confident one in mine and Yuuri's relationship but...I mean, I'm confident, don't get me wrong. I'm very aware of the infamy of myself and my skills; so aware that it sometimes scares me, but...

Let me start from the top.

When I first saw Yuuri Katsuki on the ice, it's safe to say that it may have been the most whole and honest type of affection that swelled in my chest that I may have ever experienced. My eyes sparkled and no matter how many mistakes his made, the music of his body spoke to me. But then, he failed in the final, so I suppose I tried to brush it off and focus on what everyone wanted me to. Skating.

I do love skating. It's my passion; Something beautiful that only certain people can share with the world. It's past my time, though. I knew that when practice and performance both became a boring distraction from the reality I was trying to face. Living alone, without family. Living day-in-day-out with Yakov, practice, feeding Makkachin, and sleeping. That was it; A dumb routine that was killing me from the inside to the out.

When he danced with me...Well. It's safe to say that I fell entirely by that point. That, when he dipped me, I wanted to kiss him so badly. That, when he dipped me, and pulled me back up, he sent me hurtling off of a rocky and sharp cliff surface to icy waters below, and that cliff was love; true love, a kind I'd never felt before. He asked me to be his coach. And maybe a season too late, but...But how could I say no? He brought color to something I thought had become black-and-white forever, with his nerdy glasses and his mussed up hair and his nervous giggles and grins.

I meant what I said.

Or, rather, I meant something else entirely.

Spending forever with him would never be enough time with Yuuri.

And it was just... _Perfect_. For so long. And we danced and laughed and ran and sung and hugged and _kissed_ , my God, we kissed on TV. In front of everyone, in front of China, in front of, in front of...

Before him, I would've been way too scared to even think about it, but by the time I thought then, my nose was pressed up against the ice, and I felt the slightly faster movements of his chest against mine. We kissed. More than once. Before that even, but...Not like that. That was something new. An uncontrollable impulse that I'd never let take me over like that for anybody else. But no, we kissed, we kissed and I couldn't be prouder.

Of him. Of us. Of everything.

And then this came, his blushing face, and rings, God, RINGS, we'd called each other 'boyfriend' in private but now it was completely-, it was new. We _confessed_ (I confessed) in front of an entire cafe; In front of our _friends_. In fact...Dear God, Yuuri Katsuki is my _FIANCE_.

I tried not to squeal out loud.

And then the performance happened and I was there, I was there with him, on the ice, even though I was just watching. And he messed up but it was _perfec_ t, it was perfect because it was him. Show me a beautiful performance with no mistakes, I dare you; Because you can't. Even I make mistakes. Even Yurio makes mistakes. We're only human.

I tried not to notice the way Yuuri's eyes burned into the back of my head as I watched Yurio perform. I tried not to notice his discouraged expression, and the way he kept worriedly glancing in my direction during the performances. I tried to tell myself that it was just him being him, or me being paranoid, or us both being nervous after his last Grand Prix results. But the truth is, as soon as he told me we needed to have a talk when we got back to the hotel, I knew.

It seemed so much more real now though.

I stared at him, dumbfounded. He looked scared, and sad, and he was purposefully avoiding my eyes. "V-viktor, are you-?" He began to stutter out, but my mind was running at a thousand miles per hour and I cut him off half way through. "W-w-what?!" I didn't mean to yell it, but I must have, because the quiet chatter from the rooms around of dispersed into curious silence. Yuuri looked up, eyes wide and panicked, and in his panic, seemed to forget that he didn't want to meet my eyes.

As soon as he did, his pupils trained back down to his hands. "Please don't cry, Viktor." He said it so quietly, that had I been in anything other than complete silence, I might not have heard it at all. I confusedly brought a hand to my face, and pulled it back, looking angrily down at the wetness that had come from my cheeks. Goddammit, he's allowed to leave me if he wants to, why am I so upset?!

I want to stop myself and go blank like I have so many times before, but it just isn't working. My breaths are coming too fast, my face feels hot, and water is pouring out of my eyes like a dam had broke that had been held back for years. For...for many, many years. I tried to speak, but a strangled cry was the only sound I got, and I covered my mouth and tried to hide my face. It's his choice. He's allowed to leave. He's allowed...

But I don't want him to.

I started shaking, the sobs tumbling out of me too face to hide, tears and breathing both coming too fast for me to process, my entire body trembling with the force of so much at such extremity, something it had never had to cope with before now.

"V-viktor, I-I...I-I...I don't want t-this, I-I'm not trying to hurt you!" Yuuri scrambled to speak as if his words could ever make me better now they'd destroyed me. "What are you trying to do, Yuuri? What do you want?" My voice was thick with tears, but still strong, and I psyched myself up before turning to him. I was angry. God, I was angry. But not at him.

Of course, he was closest. "What do you really want? Someone better? Is that it? Is everything I have, my every secret and crevice, is that not enough?! A-am I not...not good enough?" Stop crying, Viktor. Stop crying. Stop crying. Stop it.

"You're TOO good! For me! Never doubt your own self-worth like that! You mean more to me than anyone ever has in the world, ever, and that...That...This is for your own good, Viktor, you'll thank me later." He let his voice go quieter as he spoke, until he basically whispered the last part. I looked at him incredulously. What?

What?!

Without thinking, I lunged at him and curled myself around him, just to have him close, just because the familiar warmth and smell comforted me enough to be calm. "The only thing that's for my own good is you." I said it more to myself than him, but he seemed to have heard it, because he gently pried me off with a sad smile. He was looking at me properly now.

It hurts.

"We've got tomorrow. After that, I'll go back to Japan. You'll go back to Russia. Maybe we'll meet on the ice some day, who knows? Maybe neither of us will want to go back. I don't know. But I won't allow you to throw your passion away for me."

* * *

I don't know why I came here.

But here I am, melting into my ex-coach's shoulder and crying my eyes out at 3-A-fucking-M because my fiance left me.

I mean, he didn't leave me. He's asleep in his bed a couple of rooms over. Yurio's across the hall. Everyone's here. I'd usually care about them listening in, but I was too torn up to care.

Yakov was rubbing my back like he did when I was younger, letting out a yawn. "Vitya, you can always just come back. You'll be bound to see him again." He said it in a gentle tone foreign to his voice, and I just shook my head numbly into his shoulder. "I don't want to skate anymore."

There was a pause. "You don't mean that, Vitya." He stated strictly. I shook my head again.  
"I'm done with skating. I can't be on ice that he was once on, Yakov, I can't be there knowing that I messed another thing up."

"You never messed it up before and you never messed it up now. These things happen." My former coach said, pushing me back and sitting me down on his bed. I nodded again, but it was more of to justify not speaking a response than to actually take in the statement. He let out a loud sigh, looking down at me. "This is the only time I've ever seen you wear your heart so openly on your sleeve, Vitya. He means a lot to you, I know."

"Everything." I responded mindlessly, fiddling with my hands until I noticed the gold ring still sitting on my finger, and then tearing up and averting my gaze to the Spanish night outside of the window. Yakov must have said something else, because suddenly I was stood.

"So go back to your room, sleep, and we'll see what happens after the competition, okay, Vitya?"

I nodded.

...

Yuuri left our beds separate that night.

* * *

 **AN: Oh Dear God LET ME DIE. I method-wrote this, as I usually do with first person, and I am sobbing like a baby right now. Who thought method-writing angst was a good idea?! I did. Anyway, I apologize if this made you feel half as terrible as it did me. Leave a review if you liked it or have feedback, and thanks for reading!**

 **-AP**


	2. Six Months Later

**AN: Jesus Christ I'm dead inside. Here's more of this. Enjoy it. Cry at it. Method-writing Viktor is such a weird experience and I would suggest it, it seriously puts himself as a character and his decisions in the show in perspective, things make so much more sense. I don't want to theorize about the winner of the Grand Prix so this is a 6 months later. Anyway, Enjoy!  
-AP**

* * *

Viktor's POV

 _Yuuri left our beds separate that night._

* * *

 _ **6 MONTHS LATER**_

"...Viktor?" A hesitant voice called to me from the door. I let out a quiet groan in response, hoping that would suffice for any replies I had to give.

6 months, huh?

I was in Japan. I couldn't bring myself to go get my stuff from the Katsuki's place; That would make it too real, too real that I had to leave. But I couldn't bring myself to go back to Russia either. So, I was currently crashing in Minako's spare room.

She was nice enough about it, even told me when Yuuri came to practice so I could be out when he was there, and damn is she a good drinking partner. Always listens to you, too. Usually when Yuuri was at her studio, I was at the ice rink. I didn't do much productive nowadays though; Just skated around forlornly, tracing the scratches that his skates had made on the ice.

Yuuri...Yuuri hadn't even looked at me since the Grand Prix.

He avoided me. Crossed the road when he saw me on the street, passed me even when we ended up accidentally crossing paths at the rink like I was a complete stranger. I guess he wanted a clean break. All contacts cut and everything.

I look awful.

I know I do, because the press had been avoiding me, and the press usually would never avoid me for even a millisecond. I see them taking photographs of me from a distance sometimes, but I never have enough energy to tell them to stop. I barely have my phone on, so what does it matter what the press is saying?

Yuuri seems to be handling it fine. I see him posting pictures of him with his parents and friends. He looks happy.

If this makes him happy, I'll be okay.

Minako entered the room slowly, before pulling open the curtains aggressively. Makkachin let out a noise similar to a huff and jumped off the bed, trotting out of the room. I let out a protesting whine, trying to bury my face under the covers until she yanked them off. "Get up." She said strictly, obviously not budging. I sighed and sat up, and shooed her out of the room so I could dress.

"You need to get out, Viktor, you can't just sleep all the time." She said as I stirred the food in my bowl absent-mindedly, not really invested in the task of eating breakfast. I looked at her and sighed. "I can try."

"Viktor." She replied sternly, looking at me the way that a mother would regard a disobedient child. "I'm being serious. Yuuri doesn't want this for you." Somehow, the last sentence seemed to set me off into an impulsive, uncontrollable frustration, because I snapped at her.

"Yuuri is the one who fucking caused this, so if he can't deal with the consequences, it's his own fucking fault. And frankly, I hope he feels TERRIBLE because that'd only be a millionth of how he made me feel that night and you KNOW it!" She clamped her mouth shut and I started shoving food into my mouth as if to act out a full stop. _That's it. That's the end._

I've never really snapped at someone before. I've especially never snapped at anyone I knew and liked, and extremely never snapped at anyone including swearing and yelling. Maybe the lack of sleep is getting to me. Yeah, I'm sure that's it, maybe I could-

"You're not going back to bed, Viktor, this isn't healthy." Minako said it gently and calmly, almost soothing in her tone, but stubborn and strong nonetheless. I sighed and nodded, finishing my meal and placing the bowl into the sink routinely. "What am I supposed to do then?" I stared at her defiantly.

She looked nervous for a moment, and then she spoke. "The Katsukis want to see you." I'm not sure whether or not my face lit up or turned sour, I'm sure it was a bit of both, but she rushed to explain herself either way. "Yuuri shouldn't be back when you're there. They just want to talk to you about things."

I didn't really want to talk, but I agreed to go anyway.

I took Makkachin with me in case I needed moral support.

* * *

When I arrived, Mrs Katsuki rushed me to a table and sat me down. The rest of the family was also in the room, with only one empty space next to Yuuri's dad...where he sits, usually. Makkachin laid his head on my lap and I petted him absent-mindedly as I looked around.

"Ah, Viktor, sorry for bringing you out here." Mr Katsuki said with a smile that felt too much like his son's. I shrugged and showed them a smile that was reserved entirely for members of this family. I appreciated the jog of memory, even if it made me want to cry a little. Mrs Katsuki decided to start then and there, clearing her throat before speaking. "Um, we...we want you and Yuuri to get back together." She began. I opened my mouth immediately to drop a salty comment, but she continued before I had the chance. "I know he was the one who broke up with you and by all means it's his own fault that he's in such a mess, but..."

She took a breath and then sighed. "But he loves you, a lot, and he's doing terrible, and I really think it was a big mistake for you two to cut contact so suddenly like this. 6 months is a long time to ignore each other." I nodded and bit my lip as she talked, only to freeze when I heard footsteps down the hall. I looked panickedly at the rest of the family, but they all seemed just as terrified as I was, their eyes wide as the three of them shared a glance.

We all knew what was going to happen even before Yuuri pulled open the door looking like he'd been for a jog. "Hey what's going o-?" He stopped when his eyes landed on me, and it looked like every muscle in his body suddenly froze up. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run. I wanted to run as fast as I could away from him, and my problems, and everything.

But I couldn't move.

"V-viktor." He breathed it, leaning on the door like it was all he had to support himself, and if he let go, he'd collapse violently into a paralysed heap on the floor. I didn't dare meet his eyes; I knew if I did that I'd kiss him. I'd kiss him, but I couldn't, because he didn't want me anymore. Seeing those familiar eyes once again would be too tempting.

Despite that, I did it anyway.

...He looked so tired. His eyes looked old, like somebody had forced them to age, compared to the youthful brown orbs I'd seen before.

Makkachin moved off of my lap and I stood, staring at him.

It wasn't long before my lips were on his, and I knew it was wrong and I should pull back but I couldn't bring myself to because everything about it was so familiar and good and sweet and...

And he pushed me away. I expected that to be it but it wasn't, he just dragged me by the arm into his room. There was something cold-looking about it; As if it had lost it's colour. As soon as he closed the door and locked it, he turned to me. "Y-Y-Yuuri-!" I started out, hoping to explain why I was here to stop the inevitable anger that he was probably about to unleash upon me.

I was cut off by being slammed against a wall, with lips pressed firmly against mine.

* * *

And then I woke up.

* * *

 **AN: I'm so sorry for using that trope on you guys, I'm an awful person, I know, please forgive me. But it's not gonna be that easy in this fic, no siree, sorry, nope. Yuuri is still dead set on avoiding Viktor and...Next chapter is in Yuuri's POV! Gasp! So look forward to it. (Though don't expect updates on this to be anywhere near consistent.) So let's see what happens! There's part of next chapter in Viktor's POV to explain how the dream worked and where it started and where it ended, ect, ect. Anyway, leave a review if you liked, and thank you very much for reading!  
-AP**


	3. Yuuri

**AN: God, let me live. Let me LIVE. Please. Anyway, a bit of dream justification and then Yuuri's POV. Be prepared; It's not what you think, but it's not happy. TRIGGER WARNING FOR DEPRESSION, SUICIDE AND SELFHARM. I'm so sorry. I am So Sorry. Don't kill me. And Enjoy!**

 **-AP**

* * *

Viktor's POV

 _And then I woke up._

I remember falling onto the floor, cold and icy.

Which was definitely not where I was. I was laying on something soft, a bed maybe. I pried my eyes open slowly, to find Mrs Katsuki smiling gently at me. "O-Oh, I'm sorry." I mumbled. She shook her head, her kind grin still remaining.

"You passed out in front of our door." She said in a gentle tone I'd never recieved from my actual parents. I smiled at her. "S-sorry, I haven't been sleeping well. What time is it?" Her smile faded and she looked down at her hands before answering my question with an expression that looked the same, but somehow felt sadder. "It's 9PM. We can talk some other time. You should probably get back to Minako's...Yuuri's back in an hour, so..."

Ten minutes after that, I left. However, I did have a lingering thought. When did Yuuri start practising so late?

* * *

Yuuri's POV

What have I done?

Jesus Christ, what have I done?!

I attempted the flip again, only to find my face greeted once again by a flat, icy surface. I knew I should get up and try again, but for a moment I closed my eyes and stayed there.

It had been 6 months since I broke up with Viktor. A very, very long six months.

I hadn't counted on it hurting this much, but then again, I was never good with hiding my emotions. I hadn't cried in a while though; mainly because if I did, I knew I wouldn't stop. Of course it wouldn't stop. I keep reminding myself that I put myself here, this situation was my own fault entirely, and despite the fact I knew that I deserved how awful I was feeling, I still found myself complaining.

"Yuuri, it's 9:30, maybe you should go home." Yuu-chan called nervously from the side wall. I pulled myself up and turned to her with a dismissive look. "I usually practise until ten now." I told her in monotone. I didn't like speaking to her so coldly, but it was all I had to keep me from breaking at the moment, so I planned to milk the defense mechanism for all it had.

She wordlessly nodded and disappeared back into the office, leaving me to my own devices. I kind of wish I could bring myself to talk to her, to vent to her like I used to back when we were younger. But I was too cowardly for that. It's fine. I deserved to wallow.

I avoided my parents when I got home and headed straight for the bathroom. Well, we said bathroom, but it doesn't actually have a bath in it considering we ran a hot spring. Just our only private toilet in the house. That was pretty much it, apart from shaving stuff on the side and some of Mom's shampoos.

I let myself spare a quick glance at the razor on the side.

Truthfully, when I was younger, it wasn't unkown for me to become consumed by my anxiety and self-hatred, so much so that there was only one way to deal with it...

It still made me cringe to even hear the words 'self-harm', so I don't like to think them either, however that doesn't change that that's what it was. Of course, it was a taboo subject; especially for a boy. After all, emotional pain is totally feminine! What a load of bullshit. It's something that I dragged myself out of; Something I never talked about, never even thought of admitting about to someone.

I was young, and I thought I just grew out of it.

Apparently, you don't grow out of these things, because I suddenly found myself reaching subconciously for the blade. I pulled my hand away quickly. Come on, Yuuri, you're better than that now. You're stronger now. You're an adult now, and adults should be able to deal with their problems safely and healthily.

But...who would notice? They didn't last time. Who would even care? I already messed up Viktor, and he'd be the only one to play close enough attention to see through my lies. What did I have to lose now?

People probably wouldn't even care if I died.

I was decided, and grabbed the razor off of the shelf, turning and closing the door behind me, before retreating straight back into my room without adressing my mother or my dinner. I locked the door and put a chair in front of it just in case, before sitting on my bed and staring at the glinting, sharp blade in my hand.

It looked smaller than the last time I'd used it.

I picked up my phone, looking through my Instagram photos mindlessly, before coming across the one I needed before I'd be brave enough to even start. Ah, there.

A picture of him.

Viktor was looking out over the Spanish beach, a small smile on his face, looking witsfully into the ocean. His hair was slightly ruffled in the wind, and his eyes were sparkling with that old, familiar childlike innocence.

That was the look that I shattered the day I told him we should end this.

I felt an awful bubbling in the pit of my stomach and before I knew it, there were three fresh, deep cuts on the inside of my wrist.

Much better.

* * *

I woke up with blood all over my sheets and clotted-looking lines covering the inside and outside of my left arm. I sighed, picking up my sheets and going to wash them in the sink whilst the hot spring had yet to be opened, washing my arm with the water as well, before bandaging my arm and throwing the now more pink-looking sheets into the wash pile. That's surely subtle enough not to be noticed by Mom, right?

Nobody seemed to be awake yet, and I didn't have the energy to look at the time, so I just scribbled out a note to Mom telling her I was at practice down at the rink, and then left, entering the Ice Castle with the spare keys Yuu-chan had loaned me after I started coming in earlier and earlier.

I threw my bags down mindlessly next to the rink and tied my skates before entering the ice.

I didn't notice the other person there.

* * *

 **AN: I know this is a bit short, but the next one will be longer. Jesus Christ I am so sorry. This is quick so, review if you liked and thank you very much for reading!  
-AP**


	4. Clean-Up

**AN: Oops I did it again, made everyone cry, accidentally made a fanfiction go viral, oh baby baby-. Oh and by the way! Although this is angsty as heck if anyone like draws or writes anything from it, please let me know, because as with all my stories, it's super cool! Anyway, I'm gonna safely say that the trigger warnings from last chapter still stand. Enjoy!**  
 **-AP**

* * *

Yuuri's POV

 _I didn't notice the other person there._

Run, Yuuri. Run away. This isn't safe.

Despite all my thoughts I found myself moving towards him fast, before stopping a couple meters away, suddenly hesitant again. I felt a dull ache in my left arm and bit my lip as I watched him skate.

Viktor's style hadn't changed one bit. He still seemed completely infatuated with the ice; every movement he made varied from making love to it to pining over it. The only difference was how much slower it had gotten...his movements seeming more gentle, more reluctant, more...sad. He surprised me by starting the actions for a quadruple flip, the movements being quicker as he jumped, spun and then...

I looked in complete astonishment as he fell onto his knees instead of landing the jump, making an obvious, loud grunt of pain at the force of the fall.

Viktor's signature jump. And he missed it. He missed the only jump that he'd consistently landed throughout my entire time of knowing him. Never...never, not once, until then, had I ever seen Viktor miss a quadruple flip.

Oh my God.

He seemed still oblivious to my presence, and made a small sobbing sound, slamming the ice with his fist before pushing himself up, seeming to find a lot more trouble than he used to dragging himself to his feet. He held on to the wall for a couple seconds before regaining his balance, letting out a frustrated sigh and wiping his face with his hand. He was...crying? I somehow felt even worse, but I didn't have time to contemplate because after that he turned around.

Only then did I realize I'd forgotten a coat.

* * *

Viktor's POV

Another fail. And another. And another.

Unlike Yuuri, I never usually lost the ability to skate well whether something was on my mind or not. In fact, I usually improved when I was thinking too hard on the ice; A lot of the time it was my stress reliever. But apparently, this was different.

Every other jump I failed hadn't bothered me as much as this. It was my signature move. Everyone knew me for it. Or at least, they used to. Whether they cared anymore, I didn't spare a thought. And I could...I could no longer do it. Another fail and I slammed my fist down on the hard ice, letting tears pour out of my eyes as I bit my lip hard. It took more time and effort than it should have to get back up.

Yuuko had been kind enough to give me one of her five spare keys so that I could go before and after Yuuri would show up, and being once again unable to sleep in hours that were natural for any healthy human being, I decided a skate couldn't go too far amiss.

I wiped my face with my hand before turning around, ready to start again, but when I opened my eyes, I was paralyzed.

"Y-Yuuri." I said without even remotely thinking. He was...why was he here? So early, as well. Well, Yuuko had told me that Yuuri started coming in stranger hours, but I honestly didn't expect the man to be here when I was. Unlike my dream, I felt much more panic in the pit of my stomach as I gulped.

"What are you doing here?" The tone was tired and resigned, a voice I'd never heard from the skater's lips before. It's almost as if he didn't have the energy to yell at me or tell me to leave. I opened my mouth and then closed it, still undecided on what exactly I planned to say. I looked him up and down hesitantly.

His hair was a complete mess, and there were dark circles under his eyes that suggested he hadn't been sleeping well either. His lips seemed to have found comfort in turning their corners down, despite the fact they seemed to hate the position, looking as if Yuuri was about to smile, which was of course, impossible, because he didn't want to see me here. His cheeks seemed to have lost some of their colour, and his eyes seemed to have lost their sparkle.

He'd lost a little weight, his shoulders slumped more than they used to; If you want me to list all the ways that Yuuri Katsuki looked overwhelmingly different then, it would take years and years of monologuing to myself before I'd even completed a quarter of the list. He was different. But the most noticeable thing had to be the slightly bloodstained bandage on his left arm.

"You're bleeding." I said simply, completely ignoring the question he asked me as I stared at his arm. His eyes widened and he put a hand over where the pool of red was blooming, letting out a what otherwise would have been quiet curse, were it not for the echoing emptiness of the rink. "Fuck!"

"Are you okay?" I asked hurriedly, completely abandoning all hesitation for concern over his health. When did he hurt his arm? Why was it bandaged so hurriedly and incorrectly that the wound reopened that easily? That definitely wasn't the first aid work of Mrs Katsuki, she was much more skilled with treating wounds. (Being the clumsy person I am, it was something I had learned whilst living at the Katsukis' house.)

Yuuri nodded, looking down at the bloody bandage helplessly as if he could will it to clean itself up. I shook my head and let a forlorn-sounding, yet fond chuckle escape me, taking his uninjured arm and skating him to the side, before dragging him out of the rink and sitting him down in the skate-changing rooms. I pulled out the first aid box from the top of a set of lockers, sitting myself down beside him.

He was sitting awkwardly, trying to hide himself from me as if I hadn't already seen that he was hurt. "Yuuri, whether you want a clean break or not, you're bleeding and I need to assess the damage, and after that we can stop being around each other." I said it gently, trying not to provoke the vulnerable man sitting next to me.

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, but held the injured arm out to me anyway. It was too easy to unwrap the stained cloth from his arm, proving that it really had been one of his rush jobs. I got antiseptic wipes from the first aid kit and began to clean the bleeding wounds, only to finally notice their nature.

Thin, but obviously deep lines, littering the front and back of his arm. Thin, but obviously deep lines, that were very, very much purposeful. I didn't pause, although my mind was already running at a million miles per hour, just continued cleaning and then properly wrapped the wound (a particularly deep cut near the other's wrist) after it stopped bleeding.

When I was done, Yuuri finally looked at me. His expression was one of a man who was absolutely riddled with guilt. I licked my lips nervously before speaking. "Yuuri." I said in a stern voice, and he flinched a little. He almost seemed to brace himself before I continued. "I'm not an idiot." I decided that I better avoid actually saying it for as long as possible.

"I know." He whispered tearfully, and I wanted to hug him, but part of me was still screaming that he wouldn't want me to, so I didn't. I let myself pause before saying something, more gently and kindly this time. I couldn't just scream at him; That would no doubt just make him feel worse. "Yuuri...what happened? Why?"

"I-I..."

"Because I can't, I can't..." I tried to stop myself from rambling, but I was already doing it. I let it happen, deciding that resisting against saying my thoughts out loud wouldn't do good for me or for Yuuri. "I can't...I mean, Yuuri, with all due respect this is what you said you wanted! And I'll admit it's been hard for me, especially living here, and avoiding you-!"

"You've been avoiding me?" He spoke as if the very idea completely mortified him, looking at me like I'd announced I was moving to Mars. I stopped, looking at him and evaluating the expression before letting out an exasperated sigh. "I thought you wanted me to!" I replied, now looking confused as he looked at the floor.

"A-and I mean, but you know, Yuuri, I thought, you know what, Yuuri's fine, Yuuri's happy, I'll just have to deal with it, and I can come around in my own time." I stood now, pacing back and forth across the floor and crossing my arms across my chest as if that would stop the thoughts from flowing from my mouth. It didn't. "But, but you're not, are you, Yuuri?! This is hurting you as much as it's hurting me, if not more, so what's the point?! What are we doing?! What are YOU doing?!"

I let myself stop, standing in front of him and panting as if I'd ran a marathon, confuddled at the sentences I'd just spoken. Was that really what I thought? Of course it was. What was the point of this if it was doing neither parties any good? I didn't get to orchestrate my own possible answer though, because Yuuri actually spoke. He sounded like he was about to burst into tears.

"I-I...when I saw how you were looking at the other skaters in the Grand Prix final...I-I just thought that...that y-you missed the ice. Y-you were b-better off there, w-without...Without me tying you down." His voice was getting quieter and more scared, and it cracked when he spoke, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "A-And I k-keep convincing m-myself that you'll be better off, Viktor. So why can't you be better off?! Why can't you skate?! W-why.." Yuuri had descended into sobbing at this point, and I let go of the insecurity that he might not want me to because suddenly that seemed too insignificant to think about.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him upwards into a hug.

"Yuuri...when I skated before, it had no meaning. Or maybe it did, maybe it did once, but the best skating that I've ever done was focused entirely upon you." I whispered it into his ear, rubbing circles onto his back. "When I met you, skating became my passion again, it meant something, it regained colour I thought it would never have regained." I wasn't thinking, but I didn't need to, because it was possibly the most truthful thing I'd ever uttered in my life. "Being your coach will forever be the highlight of my life."

His sobs died down into short little sniffles, and I almost wish I hadn't said the last part.

"Yuuri...won't you let me coach you again?"

* * *

 **AN: D'awwww...OK since the final episode is out tonight, there's only gonna be one more chapter of this. What can I say, it's a short story, I never said it was long. Hey, maybe I'll write more Yuuri On Ice, who knows? I take this opportunity to remind you that I have a ! The link is on my profile and if anyone wants to support me there, although I can't make money off of fanfics, it'd be super appreciated. Anyway, review if you liked and thank you very much for reading!**  
 **-AP**


	5. A Temporary Resolution

**AN: Haha psyche! I have tons more angst where that came from! This isn't ending that easily. (Though it probably would've been smart to end it there, but hey, who said I was smart?) I'm hoping to bump this up to at least 10 chapters actually, because that's a healthy number IMO. Anyway, this is a little fluffy filler with hints before the angst next chapter, brace yourselves. Enjoy!  
-AP**

* * *

Yuuri's POV

 _"Yuuri...won't you let me coach you again?"_

I wanted to say yes.

But instead, I looked at the floor and licked my lips, hoping to God that the flooring would swallow me right there and then. I knew I could say yes, but after all that we'd gone through...I didn't know what I wanted then. I didn't know what I wanted for the future. So I just stayed silent in his arms and let myself savour the warmth of his body for as long as I possibly could. He audibly sighed, though the sound felt like a smile. "I know it's not that easy, honey. I understand. Just...can we have us again? Even if we never skate? Please?"

"V-Viktor..." I gasped as he placed a short peck on the top of my head. I thought for sure that skating was the only thing keeping me and Viktor together; That was the reason that I assumed we should end the relationship anyway. That, without skating, we had no chance. Hearing such sentiment...

"I love who you are, not what you do." Viktor whispered, pushing me back and holding me at arms length with a sappy, lovesick grin plastered on his face that made me want to go to the nearest alter and marry him right there. I found myself shaking and a wide smile engulfed my features, despite the fact tears were streaming down my face. "I-I'm so sorry, V-Viktor...I'm so sorry for making a decision that was y-yours...W-we...Y-yes. God, yes."

* * *

When Viktor walked through the door with me, fingers of his right hand where a familiar ring still lay entangling with my left, the entire building literally cheered. Seriously. There were whistles and screaming and everything, it was like being at the Grand Prix all over again. My Mom simply came up and gave Viktor a hug, speaking way too loudly. "Welcome home, Viktor!" She giggled, before standing back and then running to the phone. Presumably to talk to Minako-sensei.

Viktor seemed more overwhelmed by the crowd than usual, dragging us into the still-furnished room that had become his. (It had a bigger bed, which made it preferable to my room.) He dragged us both down onto the bed, curling himself around me immediately.

We fell asleep like that.

* * *

Viktor's POV

I woke up before Yuuri, still wrapped up with him. He had a bedhead even though we'd barely moved, and a lazy, lopsided grin laid on his sleeping face. I smiled, untangling myself from him and padding out into the hall. We'd eventually shed our shoes, coats and any other unnecessary clothing (which, in my opinion, was all of it, which earned me a playful punch in the arm from Yuuri) before settling back into our cuddle and having slow-paced, calm conversations about nothing in particular before falling asleep.

My phone and belongings were on the table in the private dining room, and I scooped up the device, turning it on and bothering to go through my notifications for the first time in months. There were a couple of messages from fellow skaters and friends, asking how I was. Chris' dated back to the second day of the Grand Prix, and continued from then...He's a good friend. I opened up the text and typed a reply. _Things have been rocky between me and Yuuri, the past few months have been rough. We're good now. Sorry for keeping you waiting._

It was 8AM here, so I didn't expect an immediate reply, however I got one anyway. _It's fine, I'm just glad you two are okay. He's been ignoring my texts as well. If things go to shit, you know where I am._ I smiled a little before checking my other notifications, responding to any of concern as personally as I could muster. Man, what have I been doing? I guess I must really have abandonment issues.

There was one that caught me off-guard though.

A text from a number that was long-deleted, however that I had memorized off by heart.

 _Vitechka, it's Mama! Why don't you bring your new friend to meet us? It's been so long! You are such a big boy now! Let us put the past behind us...Your Papa cannot wait to see you!_

I suddenly felt very, very sick to the stomach.

* * *

Yuuri's POV

When I woke up, the place next to me was cold, and I let out a sound that was a mixture of a yawn and a whine of protest. I stood, trampling tiredly into the spare room where Viktor's things had been placed last night. I stood for a moment in the doorway, watching him text someone as a small, fond smile appeared upon his face. Ah. Chris, then.

Chris was a complicated subject for both of us after I was informed of the apparent friendship we formed through drunken pole-dancing; He was sort of like a friend and sort of like a lover for both me and Viktor, however we were all comfortable with not labelling it as either. Chris had a boyfriend and didn't hold us as he held him, just as we didn't view him as we viewed each other; It was just something that we all took part in and consented to that...was quite complicated to label.

The Swiss himself had once brought up the term 'queer-platonic partners', but we all decided we'd only ever use the term if someone officially asked about our trio, which they hadn't, assuming it was just Chris being his flirty self. He'd sent me thousands of texts that I'd felt horrible for ignoring since the Grand Prix. Despite that, I'd still managed to have a couple calls with him to vent. He was a good guy, and his attitude when he wasn't trying to be as sexual as possible balanced me and Viktor out perfectly.

Our relationship had grown since the Grand Prix despite the rockiness between Viktor and I, (that I caused by my own idiocy and lack of communication), and I'd admittedly told him about how strong the urge to relapse had been, but I only ever talked to him when he called me. He'd been too good to me, but I hated the idea of having to tell him I'd relapsed. Nonetheless, we'd both learned to recognise the face we'd have when talking to Chris.

His face changed a little as he went through his texts, no doubt being nice enough to reply to all the concern he'd received. However, he still seemed pretty satisfied until opening what I could assume was one of the last.

His grin immediately dropped, and all of the colour seemed to drain out of his face. His arm was shaking, and he looked like he was actually about to throw up. Deciding that this seemed like a good time to show myself, I dragged myself until I was behind him and snaked my arms around his waist, nuzzling my face into the place between his shoulder blades. "'Mornin'." I yawned, and he seemed to visibly relaxed before prying me off, looking at me nervously.

"U-Um, Yuuri, can I talk to you?" He asked, looking terrified as he stuttered out the question. I nodded, dragging him back to his room so he could sit down before he passed out. (Probably an overreaction, but safety is safety.) Once he was sat, I looked at him. "What is it?" I questioned concernedly, suddenly feeling a lot more awake than I did a second ago. He was fiddling with his hands and refused to meet my eye.

"Have you ever wondered why I don't talk about my parents?" He blurted, looking up at me. I nodded slowly and then gestured for him to continue. I was always kind of curious about Viktor's parents, but it never seemed polite to ask. He sighed before continuing. "W-Well, it's a long story, but...my Mom texted me. For the first time in years. And she wants...her and Dad want to meet you."

* * *

And that's how we ended up on a plane to Russia two days later, with me relatively excited to finally meet my boyfriend's parents (considering we'd just got back together, we'd agreed to leave some time before calling each other fiancé again) although also relatively concerned about why said boyfriend seemed extremely scared about the entire encounter.

* * *

 **AN: It's coming lads, the angst! It's still a little short, sorry. Now you know my headcanon about Chris. Bonus points if anyone can guess how lovely Viktor's parents are...If you read my other stories you're probably about to set me on fire...Anyway! Review if you liked, you're welcome for the fluff, and resolution, but there's more, and thanks very much for reading!  
-AP**


	6. Parents

**AN: Angst angst angst and sadness and fear and everything bad in the world! Do you like my song? It's about my fanfictions! Pfft, OK, well, warnings for emotional and physical abuse, may the Fandom forgive me, and enjoy!  
-AP**

* * *

Viktor's POV

I never told Yuuri about my parents for a handful of reasons. Not that I was afraid of them meeting him; No doubt they would love his politely demure personality that he held off of the ice as much as they seemed to love him on it. No, it was more of a personal...

I moved in with Yakov when I was 13, and any memories before that had been firmly repressed for most of my life. My parents constantly insisted that what I'd accuse them of was just me lying, and eventually, being a child with no other input, I found myself believing them; That I really did just crave attention. The truth is that at the time of taking Yuuri to meet them, I was still completely unsure of how my childhood actually happened up until my figure skating coach who kept ranting about my promising career on the ice decided I was better off with him.

When I was 18, I moved out of Yakov's and got a place of my own near his in case I ever needed support that my friends couldn't provide. In other words, Yakov was basically the best father figure I had from the beginning of my teens and still going. All of my memories of my actual family were either untrustworthy in my head or blurry enough that I dismissed them...All I knew was that the very thought of meeting them again, even as an adult, made me want the floor to swallow me.

Surely, though, people change.

That's what I kept telling myself when we got to the airport, and when the average-height thin-as-a-stick woman who called herself my mother wrapped her arms around me in a hug that seemed overwhelmingly dangerous, and when we got to the house that looked absolutely pristine, and when my father seemed to take to Yuuri immediately. That's what I told myself, because otherwise, without any explanation, I would have been running away from the situation as fast as my legs would possibly carry me.

* * *

"Mama, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!"

* * *

Yuuri's POV

I had no idea why Viktor was so nervous. His parents seemed to love me, making jokes and even acknowledging the fact that we were dating better than any other person in Russia had before. (Not counting Yakov and Yurio, of course.) I wasn't stupid though, there was something strangely off about Viktor, despite the fact that on the outside he was acting as he usually did. Mrs Nikiforov suggested making us dinner, and I agreed immediately, confused when Viktor's grip under the table tightened hard upon my hand.

After dinner, Viktor hastily offered to help wash the plates as if it was more obligatory than voluntary, and his father was kind enough to tell me some hilarious stories about 'baby Vitechka' whilst we waited.

A sudden crash from the kitchen made us both shoot to our feet though, and I zoomed into the kitchen with Viktor's Dad in tow. There were pieces of what looked to have once been a plate on the floor, and Viktor looked like he was about to burst out crying. "Mama, I really didn't mean to drop it." His mother's face had gone dark, and he was shaking like a leaf. Mr Nikiforov seemed nervous too, quickly speaking up. "Now, now, it's just a pla-!"

 _SLAP!_

I stood in complete horror as Viktor's head whipped to the side, and only then did he seem to notice I was even in the room. He noticed me slowly though, vaguely, as if he couldn't quite determine where he was and who was with him. When he did, his reactions immediately went to normal though, his head turning to the floor as he meekly offered to clean up his mess. His mother nodded and shoved him into the wall as he was on his way into what I assume was a storage room.

She turned back to us with a smile that suddenly seemed sinister on her face. "Yuuri, I don't know how you deal with him! He can be so clumsy and stubborn." I nodded numbly, trying to offer her what little of a smile I could muster. It seemed to work, because she was immediately continuing the dishes as if nothing had even happened. Viktor's father seemed completely casual about it, just offering me another drink.

Despite the fact I knew our flight wasn't due until tomorrow, I told him I shouldn't because we'd need to leave soon. He nodded resignedly, before sending me back into the room with a promise to bid us goodbye as soon as the dishes were done.

After about fifteen minutes though, I was more than suspicious, and slowly sneaked back towards the kitchen. As soon as I heard sobbing from inside, I bolted in though.

Viktor was pressed up against a wall, attempting to push himself further away from his father, who had very obviously bloody knuckles. There was a large bruise forming on the right side of Viktor's face and one that seemed to begin on his neck and end somewhere on his chest. Some parts of his face were even bleeding, including his nose and lip. And the worst part was that Mrs Nikiforov was watching without a care in the world, and her husband was going in for more.

I dragged him backwards by the collar before lifting Viktor to his feet, turning to glare at them threateningly. My boyfriend himself was limping as I rushed to get him out of the room with a quick "I apologize, but we really should be going" and then hailing a cab and driving us both...well, I hadn't decided yet. Viktor let out a groaned address of what I assumed was Yakov's, and the taxi driver looked at us concernedly in the mirror. "You sure you don't want a hospital?" He asked in Russian, but Viktor responded in a harsh tone, and the driver didn't say anything after that until he asked for his payment.

* * *

I knocked on the door to the building and Yurio answered. He looked like he was going to complain until his eyes landed on Viktor's state, and then he just quickly ushered us inside, letting out a yell of Yakov's name.

The coach was there surprisingly fast, and when he looked at Viktor, he sighed. "Oh, Vitya..." He moved beside the man, who'd collapsed on the couch and only gave him a wave of the hand as response. I was stood awkwardly in the doorway, hopping from foot to foot in an insatiable anxiety as Yakov commanded Yurio to get a first aid kit. The younger boy pulled me aside after Yakov demanded we leave the room.

"Yuuri, what happened?" You could tell when Yurio was worried, because he'd actually call me by my name instead of some rude variation of 'pork cutlet bowl', or anything relative to that statement. I explained as best as I can, and realization seemed to dawn on the teenager's face. "His parents? Yeah, Yakov talks about them sometimes. It's no wonder he ended up like that. His father was put in prison for child abuse and having a sexual relationship with a minor who used to be Viktor's friend, and his mother got 3 years for emotional and physical abuse of a child."

"W-what?! Why didn't Viktor tell me?!" I said. Everything made sense now, though; Viktor's nervousness and fear about me meeting his parents, his obvious hesitance around them, the fact that he'd seemed off this entire trip. Yurio made a face as if he was reluctant to continue, but did anyway. "He didn't really know. Yakov said he was in so much shock when he moved in that the police's trial only had to include pictures of him because he wasn't stable enough to testify against them. He literally forgot everything...When I first met him even, he was still a little spacey, like he wasn't sure of himself, when he was off the ice."

Yurio and I talked for a while about that. Viktor. Then I went on to ask how his training was doing, and he turned back to his embarrassed-of-us persona that I was used to. It felt like forever until Yakov came out of a bedroom, telling us he'd put Viktor to bed for now, and that he wanted to talk to me. I nodded obediently, following him back into the living room. He turned to me. "I have no doubt Yurio told you a thing or two about Vitya's parents?" I nodded again, paying attention as if it'd kill me if I didn't.

"Well, it was okay, this was one mistake and you didn't know, but now they know that someone will protect him they won't give up. He gets...He gets in this dazed state, and he forgets, and it's easy that way, but it's also then easy for him to keep on making this mistake. Keep him close to you, Yuuri. I mean it."

All I could do, after witnessing everything, was nod.

* * *

 **AN: I'm sorry, forgive me, I'm sorry! I'm not sorry. Look, I don't know where to stop with the angst, okay? Feel free to scream at me in the reviews, it's okay, I understand, I would scream at me too. Review if you liked, and thank you very much for reading!  
-AP**


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